OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
