Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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