if you like me you must not know who I am
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
