I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
