i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Even my vagina gasped.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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