You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
