once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
