I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
