my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
