I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
