I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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