Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We talked him into tasing himself.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
