It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
