mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
