Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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