You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
