I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
