Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
