even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
