Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
They are going to name an STD after you.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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