I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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