drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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