I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
