What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
