Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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