I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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