were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
