whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
