I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Randomize
