i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Randomize
