If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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