I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
