So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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