I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
