Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
