and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i dont even know how to be here
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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