New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
My life is pants optional.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
