I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
