areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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