I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
