I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
