It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
