Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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