New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
