I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
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So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
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I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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