I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize