Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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