Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
