found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
