dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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