2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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