arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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