Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
