You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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