Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
