I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
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