its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
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I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
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I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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