For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
