dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
