You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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