You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
