Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
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Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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