my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
