Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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