so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
