Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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