You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
