in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
they need to just BURY HIM!
i think i have two assholes
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
