I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
